heart catastrophe

+ my life is here

Mon, 23 Feb 2004 13:55:22 PST

survey

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 02:04:59 PST

001)What time are you starting this?: 0947
002) Name?: airamy alexi dimaano rivera

003) Date of birth?: 09 FEB 1988
004) Sex?: no. just kidding. girl
005) Height?: 5�1
006) Eye color?: Dark Brown
007) Weight?: 120.something
008) Location?: Yokosuka Japan
009) Where were you born?: YOKOkokokoko
012) Do you have crush on someone?: noooope
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: noooope
014) If so, what is their name: non-applicable
015) How long have you been together?: non-applicable
016) What are you wearing right now? A barrel�geez im wearing CLOTHES. Haha.dumbutt.:P
017) Would you have sex before marriage? of course.. NOT
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: does a tutor who's your age count? :)
019) Are you a virgin: of course i am
020) Do you smoke? no and don't intend to
021) Do you drink?: water. what if you dont drink water you get dehydrated..tsktsk
022) Are you ghetto?: hahahahaha no
023) Are you a player?: what the. No
024) What are your favorite colors?: oraange.lime green.bright pink. black and sand
025) What is your favorite animal? a black labrador named bruno
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: i think..there
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: noope
028) Who are your best friends?: :) i know who they are :P
031) Have you ever been slapped?: hahahaha. parents.
032) Do you get online a lot?: i guess soo
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: shy most of the time
034) Do you shower?: yeah twice a day. do you?
035) Do you hate school?: teachers and other authority members..well some
036) Do you have a social life?: sure i do. i think
037) How easily do you trust people?: easy i guess
038) Have you ever lied to your bestfriends? white ones.
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? hehehe. yeah
040) Would you ever sky dive?: YESSSSSS!!
041) Do you like to dance?: indian dances :)
068) Have you ever been out of state?: haha. i live out of STATES
069) Do you like to travel?: sure but not to afghanistan thanks anyway..
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: noope
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: nope
072) Are you spoiled?: noope
073) Are you a brat?: i try not to be. i hope not
074) Have you ever been dumped?: nope. Broken-hearted though
076) What's your favorite drink?: raspberry ice tea and water
077) Do you like Snapple?: yesss sir
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: sometimes
079) What toothpaste do you use?: uhhh. im too lazy to check
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager? kei tai
081) Do you have a curfew?: i don't know. im usually home if theres no school or soccer or anything..
082) Who do you look up to?: little mermaid and chun li and rikku
083) Are you a role model?: i dont know ask my brothers
085) What name brand do you wear the most? Uhm..i don�t know. Pacsun stuff? And other stuff�
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: shell/woodpiece necklaces. or a silver thing that looks cool and small earings
087) What do you have pierced?: ears
088) What do you want pierced?: more on the ears
089) Do you like taking pictures?: you mean me using the camera? yesss
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: if im with good firends
091) Do you have a tan?: i am tanned to extreme that..im not tan. im just dark haha
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: sometimes
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: i dont remember
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: my own cell phone and room phone
095) Do you have your own pool?: in my dreams :) how about you
096) Do you have any siblings?: sure if you call dogs that. justkiiidng. 2 brothers
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: boxers but uhh. im a girl so i wear something else
099) Have you ever played anyone?: i played tag with some :) hahaha. but no i havent played anyone thats for asssses
100) Do you get along with your parents?: sure..
101) How do you vent your anger? i cry. and write .and whine. and cry..
103) Have you ever ran away?: i wish
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: haha no
105) Do you even have a job? nooope
106) Do you daydream a lot?: unfortunetly yes
107) Do you have a lot of exes?: I don�t think so
108) Do you run your mouth?: eh
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: your face. JOKING
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: nothing
111) What are your favorite flowers?: i ONLY like white roses
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: i guess he looked a lot like the waste found in an elephants cage. Just kiiiiiiiding J hmm. Cute I guess..
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: I don�t have..
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: what does this mean....
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: � uh
116) Are you rude?: i hope not!
117) What was the last compliment you received: i dont think...
118) Do you like getting dirty?: with mud and playing sports and games? sure its fun
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: who cares??
120) Are you flexible?: uhh i duno
121) What is your heritage?: filipino..spanish..Chinese [so little]
122) What is your lucky number?: hmm..i dont know. 7 ? or 9
123) What does your hair look like right now?: its up...and its black/brown
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I WANT to be
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: REAL heartbreak? june062003 ? or jan06. either one
126) Describe your looks?: just look at the monkeys . you'll be satisfied J
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: RED or just real black
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: by months sure but not by like years
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: sure. just not like over 5 years
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: never..?
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: a REAL date? i never had one i think
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: yeah. i ate too much then..i ate too little
136) Do you have one now?: i don�t know. no
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: twoo
138) Have you ever been skinnydipping?: n000o
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: father?
141) Do you cry a lot?: .. not lately
142) Do you ever cry to get your way?: noope i cry to express thats all..
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: a leg. Coz then I can�t play guitar if I lose an arm
144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: "realllly?" uhhh. hmmmm.
145) Are you the romantic type?: hahahahahahahaha. noo..a hopeless one maybe. I don�t know!!
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: hahaha..no
147) What do you like most about your body?: my eyes i guess
148) What do you like least about your body?: everything else
150) When was the last time you threw up?: at soccer practice last week
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? It doesn�t really matter unless its unnaturally blonde. I hate that
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: vans white n red
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: noo
154) What about cleavage?: NO WAY :|
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: SHE SHOULD BE!! Unless an Eskimo raped her. Hahahahahaha.
157) Have you ever been ------ up?: no
158) What color are your underwear right now?: black. Just kiiding. Baby blue
159) What theme does your room have?: I don�t think it has one. Its my theme J hahaha
160) What size shoe do you wear?: 6..or 7
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: hmm. Earings and sex bracelets

162) What ii your screen name on MSN?: -x- yenyso �x- [<3] you�re a cosmic display [</3]
163) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: noo unless you know its at practice and no one cares ?
164) How are you feeling right now?: Bored and hungry
165) When was the last time you were at a party?: amber�s surprise one?
166) Have you ever given a lapdance?: No
167) What do you sleep in?: shorts and a shirt

168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: yeah..
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Lazy
170) What is one of your good qualities?: understanding ?
171) Would you marry for money?: no way
172) What do you drive?: a scooter. Hahaha

174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: im the black sheep. Jk�hmm. Mmommy..
175) What does your username mean?: yenyso is my name in al bhed. And the other part is just from the gumby movie!

176) What's your favorite to read?: my favorite what?
177) When was the last time you cried in school?: when chris left

178) Do you wear Chucks?: no :S
179) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?: probably not
180) What time are you finishing this?: 1002

+ empty

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 23:26:55 PST

+ can't be said any better.

+ i miss you

+ i hope i go soccer today to keep things off my head..

+ i dont feel like going to algebra II today.

+ bye bye

+ vomit

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 14:02:04 PST

+ today i vomited at practice! great huh? man those sprints killed me .. it hurt ! especially since im on my rag. :S. but oh well. the rest was fun. im scared...what if i don't make soccer this year? it nearly killed me to run like that, and i couldnt even really keep up.. but ball touches are okay i guess. except for my long passes. i need to work on those..and running.

+ hm. i think im fat. okay maybe not fat..but..i don't know. i wish i was thin, strong, and a fast runner. and a decent writer at least. haha. my mom calls me taba . maybe i am. geez sorry im not the perfect looking daughter either .

+ anyway

+ i think that interactive multimedia can be boring and dull. well i only get to talk to musashi..but he's pretty cool. man i wish i stuck with guitar

+ i have a hard time with power chords and holding two strings with one finger. romanian curses to small hands! haha. whatever that means..

+ i need to go back to hiding what im really feeling. im mean if im depressed i don't think it should be displayed as often as i have been showing it. some people ask me why i always look sad it never occured to me that i always looked sad. hmmmm. but then again i face conflicts the inability to express my emotions. girrrrr. this bites.

+ but sometimes i can control my anger, or when im pissed. i just feel fake though and that's not good at all. . :( yeah like how would you feel if a good friend doesnt make much of an effort to go spend the whole day with you just so she can go chill with her boyfriend...and maan. but that's okay now i guess. i thought it'd always be friends first but its okay. im okay with it. dont worrry! sunshine sunshine sunnshiiiine. ! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. haha i like that

+ weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

+ lets go ALG II! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. sike :P i hate it.

+ ..lets hear you laugh again. let me see you smile again. then when i poke this voodoo doll i have of you, just try laughing at my broken heart again ... +

ps. i dont have a voodoo doll. hahaha. i just got that thing from somewhere and sounded kinda funny. hahaha.

+<3ilove.xxxxxx+

+ [none]

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 13:55:08 PST

YELLOWCARD

One Year, Six Months

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do

+ this song is fun to play :)

+ we talked..it was i dont know. i didnt really feel weird or anything.. it was just online.. msn saved me from talking to him in person.. not that i wouldnt mind because i really wouldnt. like i said i just miss him as a friend. i just asked him stuff about performing at sadeez but looks like theres others willing to play.

+ i hope sadeez will be fun. i want to go -well- i have to go. while everyone else dances their butts away and have fun i get to have fun collecting tickets and money? weeee. perfect night. hahaha cant hardly wait. whatever that means...hmmmm haha..uh.

+ today kinda sucked. i felt really horrible towards after school .. so i didnt go to practice..:( but i hope for sure im going tomorrow.

+ anyway im going to go now and read..i have something due tomorrow for my english class.
+ by third quarter im really lazy...:S
+ i got a 92 on my test in alg II !!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. that hasnt happend in awhile.

[i'llkeepyouguessing] <3

+ how preposterous

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 13:50:31 PST

+ ivan is a meeeeeenie! haha. my mom and brother think i lack feminity.. okay just because i refuse to indulge my face and imbrue it with animal intestine base makeup [i think animal intestine waste. i heard it off tv so don't blame me blame the boobtube], dont attire myself in pretty clothes, and obtain an absence of a fine thin slim figure- doesnt necessarily imply i lack feminity entirely!!! besides who decides whether or not one is truely feminine? we're all entitled to what we want to believe and thats the beauty of being different. who wants to be the same all the time anyway?

+ went into a btchy mood at lunchtime. i don't think i hurt anyone though at least. yeah..i went library to attempt last minute studying however its pretty difficult when your're emotionally disturbed. :(

+ i have a visitor again. what a "biznatch" it sucks like fcks. hahaha. sorry :$ that rhymed...

+anywayys.

+ nothing else new. really . OH! i need to go on a diet. mother believes im a tad overweight. gosh just tell me i look like a watermelon and get it over with! so im going to try this: [you can laugh if you want i guess coz im pretty sure im going to forget it. but its always nice to dream :)]

+somestupidiet: tofu/banana/strawberry smoothie for breakfast. an apple for lunch. and then whatever i have for dinner but only 1/2 cup rice and i should be strictly vegetarian. .. but no i couldnt do that. vegetarian and one half...right amber? hahaha.

+ i know i most likely wont be able to succeed in that but oh well. it was a cool idea anyway. but i think i do need to lose weight. oh well whatever bob

+ im going to go clean my room. and yeah do some homework.

+ bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

+hello :)

+ Princess Mermaid !!

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 21:26:04 PST

+ airamy.. ariel.. hahaha. hey it works somehow..haha. ariel is my disney princess :)

+ yesterday was fun! weee. haha. really it was. hey. i liked it. hmm. cha was the only one who came over you know. out of rine and riz. what losers. and amber was with her family. and i just felt like an all girl thing day . hahaha. me and cha had fun...fooood. and then her special someone was online. hahaha. and i got hyper and yeah. just..f u n .

+ then we went offbase finally with riz then met with rine and took some pictures. pretty fun. the DISNEY machine was.whooo.blew me away.hahaha. i love little mermaid! and i ..guess what. i just rememberd i have a little mermaid pillow but i can't find it. i think we've kept it away...:(boo boo to the monkey poo. hahaha. okay that was kinda weird...haha

+ what am i doing on so early? 0512 am. geez im supposed to be working on some uh. bmb for honors. gooood job airamy . havent even read a book have you? hahaha. great dude just great. we're on our way to success.. yehp yehp yehp

+ i woke up at 0330 am. errrr. insomniac. i duno i had to wake up to study .. for a test. i studied a bit.. then i got bored so i just stopped. what is my world commming toooo...

+ hahaha. i know some guys right now who were reading my blog [i wonder if theyre still readen it] and are trying to analyze my love life er lack of one i think. trying to decode secrets or something. hahaha. or something i dont know. you guys are funny. haha cute cute cute keep trying to discover but you'll never find him out..:P suckers ! hahha but i love you guys all the same

+ thanks cha riz rine for another cool monday :)

+ yeah i miss him still..blahblahblahblahblahblah [his name here] blah blah blah bleh

+ and yesterday i realized that cha,riz,rine,christie. haha they all have somebody. riz got her second chance. cha and lover boy have something going on. hahaha. rine and christie are practically married to theirs. hahahaha. aaaand me: cmdr taco...cmdr taaco...?

+ i want to rename my guitar. im thinking sebastian. ariel's trust crustacean friend. hahaha. i like that name anyway. someday i'll end up naming my kids "ariel, sebastian, and jeremy" haha. okay i just like the name jeremy , and i'll probably name my daughter that. you know..if i have children. that's if i get married. hahaha. i dream too much.

+ i kill myself with these dreams of mine so please tell me to stop dreaming
before these dreams take life and smash me to pieces.

+ hmmmmmmmm. well i better get ready for school now. before i run late.. but then that's me everyday

+ morning sunrise :)

+ a misunderstanding

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 15:19:04 PST

+ 1] i dont like [c] him
2] i just miss [a] him
3] i miss the other [b] him in a different way

+ haha. confused?

+ riz came over today. we told stories and i uh.. talked too much about the past. im still living in it i guess. oh well. . the will come when it will be out of my system.

+ i wonder if i get too personal in here that my secrets are unleashed or really .. am i transparent in what i say? am i not discreet enough. i guess not..

+ "lost in translation" is a boring ass movie. no offense.

+ gooodnight :)

+ in the gutter

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 05:59:59 PST

^ okay thats how i sort of feel. my family hasn't wished me a happy valentines day.. i feel like going to the mini mart and buying my parents a card. . and yeah. maybe i duno what else with it. blowing off twenty dollars in 3 days. not good not good.

+ so its valentines day, a day of happy love to share and all i have is some chocolate to consume for this lonely heart.. haha

+ i need to practice playing guitar again. i haven't had a lot of time its the first time im playing since..monday! sheeeshes ! hahaha. oh well..hmm im gona try to learn standard lines, hurricane, hands down..and over it. pretty good songs..not so hard i just need to practice alot. i wish long fingers were in my possession. . but oh well im thankful i have hands anyway.

+ i rearranged my room again. thats the onlyplace i feel safe. honestly . . its my sanctuary. hahaha..yeah. its great i love my room now. i wish someone would lock me up in there .

+ earlier i felt a bit anti-social and felt like i did not want to be around anyone at all. but now i feel like i need someone to be with me... i have these wierd moods. like i want to play ffx but i need someone to just be with me there. i was playing guitar but i just need someone to be there with me too. now i feel like..very dependent. im like a child that is in constant need for their safety blanket. i just wish i knew where mine was..

+ "some or the best things in life were mistakes" something like that. it's from paycheck a movie i watched last night. i agree with it...or..i can relate to it i guess..it pertains to this boy who i know is a mistake and it shouldn't have happend..but he's one of the best things that's probably ever happend to me.. yeah probably.. but its okay. its been a year .. actually over a year and i always its always him i keep coming back to. a piece of me is still left with him and i want that piece back...just not with him in it. but then again sometimes i feel if [and high doubts for it to ever happen] there was ever a second chance..i feel like i'd take it in a heartbeat. but yeah you know just .. hopeless thoughts

+ i heard that he likes me and i really hope not because i don't want him to get hurt i really care for him as a friend but...just not the other way

+ today would have been really special i guess but thanks to time its not us anymore . .

+ happy valentines day everyone <3 :)

"procrastination is the assination of motivation"

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 15:04:24 PST

+ i learned that in 8th grade beg. band from one of those posters at school..
+ i always procrastinate...
+ this song is good by brandnew

_FailurebyDesign
Watch you on the one's and two's
Through a window in a well lit room
Become a recluse
And I blame myself cause I make things hard
and you're just trying to help
And when I wake up you're the first to call
This is one more late night basement song
and I'm so sore
My voice has gone to hell
This is one more sleepless night because we
don't believe in filler, baby
If I could I'd sit this out

(This is over when I say it's over)
This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
means another lonely night I gotta race the clock
(I ignore it and it ignores me too)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder
I'm another day late and one year older
It's failure by design

And we just want sleep
But this night is hell
I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself
cause I make things hard and you were just trying to help
I got no gas(no gas)
Winding out my gears
This is one more day on the verge of tears
And now my head hurts(head hurts)
And my health is a joke
And now I gotta stop because the headphones broke
We don't believe in filler, baby
If I could I'd sit this out

(This is over when I say it's over)
This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
means another lonely night I gotta race the clock
(I ignore it and it ignores me too)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder
I'm another day late and one year older
It's failure by design

I'm out of everything
No one sleeps till we get this shit out on the shelves
It's late, I'm faltering
This time I got nothin' to say besides...
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.(nothin else matters today)
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.(nothin else matters tonight)
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.(nothin else matters today)
Do Do Do. Do Do Do.
Nothin to say besides...

(This is over when I say it's over)
This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
means another lonely night I gotta race the clock
(I ignore it and it ignores me too)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder
I'm another day late and one year older
I'm a failure by design